So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
Randomize
