look no pants
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize
