Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
