so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
Randomize
