the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
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