the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Randomize
