Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
Randomize
