mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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