i barfeds in our rink
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
Randomize
