he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
Randomize
