Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
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