i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
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