HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize
