i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
Randomize
