omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Randomize
