Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
Randomize
