Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
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