She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize
