but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
as a side note pls kill me
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
Randomize
