I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
Randomize