Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
Randomize
