Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
Randomize
