sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
I'm really busy with my period
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