i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
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