On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Randomize
