You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
Randomize
