i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
Randomize
