God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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