What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Randomize
