I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
