my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
I enjoy the company of your penis
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
Randomize
