Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
Randomize
