It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
you didnt know i had herpes?
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize