Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
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