pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
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