just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
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