Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
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