I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
Michael Bay diarrhea
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
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