Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
Randomize
