i already hear my dad disowning me
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
Randomize
