How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
Randomize
