I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
Randomize