This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
Randomize