SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
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