i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
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