i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
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