he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
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