After last night, I could never be a politician.
I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
Randomize
