A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
Randomize