your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
