yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
ya dads aren't the best wingmen
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
Randomize
