I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
Randomize
