he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
Randomize
