I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
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