For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
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