i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
