We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Randomize
