he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
