You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
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