Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
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