OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
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