I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
Randomize
