Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
