Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
Randomize
