i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
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