Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
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