she woke up with a sticky ear
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
Randomize
