Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
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