the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
Randomize
