I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
Randomize
